Ramblings of a Desiccated Mind

Like my newspeak term? Thought of that this morning. I have something to say on this day of Aug.01.

Fuck your toxic prison. I'll not be chained to a corporate narcotics dealer under the condition that I will pay him whatever he wants to charge me to sate my habit. SO I have this to say to Mayor Bloomberg: "Fuck you, man. I don't care if you fuck me, but don't you fuckin' lie to me. You're not doing this because you love me, you're doing this so you can earn the funds to begin development of the lesser neighborhoods so you can push every single middle and lower-class family off this island. I will not be party to this NeoTaxationInflation, and I think we need a New York Harbor Tobacco Party to prove the point."

Is this going to be tough? Yeah, fuck yeah, and difficult, too, but I believe in this. Oh, and you can bet that I will cheat, ciggies and booze, ciggies and booze, I can't divide the one from the other, so I'll either be smoking a couple of times during the month, or I'll be on OPB's. There are plenty of good reasons for me to quit, but this corporate shit is the best of them. You see, I don't really care if I become riddled with cancer. I don't care if I can't breathe getting up the stairs. But I do care that the government is starting to force me to make decisions.

Let me say that again, that seemed mildly important:

I do care that the government is starting to force me to make decisions.

So, that's it. Wish me luck, or don't. I'm going to be pulling my fingernails out with my teeth until the worst of this passes.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

HA HA AH AH HA HAH H A H HAH AH AH H AH AH AHH AH AH A HH AH AH AH HAH AH AH H AH AH AH AH H AH AH AH H AH A HAH AH H AH AH AH HAH AH AH AH H AH A HAH AH H AH AH AH AH AH AH H AH AH AH AH H AH AH AH H AH AH AHAHH AHAHAHAHAHHA HA HAH AHAHAH AH AHAHHAHAHH AH AH AH AH AH AH H A

Intelligence analysts said they think al Qaeda is working to reconstruct its central leadership so it can again launch operations on the scale of the September 11 attacks.

Okay . . . first of all, no fucking shit. This should never have made the news because if you don't know this already, then you're a fuckin' idiot. If you haven't anticipated this since 9.11, you're a fuckin' idiot. If you thought we made any sort of impression on Anti-American sentiment with anything we've done since 9.11, you're a fuckin' idiot.

Second, believe nothing. Our heads of state are not so ignorant to understand what they're doing by leaking information, and I'd not be surprised if these "leaks" are not designed for other purposes: 1) to continue to manipulate and control the population, and 2) to obscure the "truth" in the perception of our enemies.

I don't know where to look for faith these days. I know the government's full of shit, I know the church is full of shit, I know psychology is full of shit. Everybody's trying to have their cake and eat it, too. And so much of this crap is rooted in commercialism and religion . . . we want our stuff, and we want our faith, even though we may not really know why we want these things from moment to moment . . . just to kill the time before we're dead. It is unfulfilling to live in this world, and now the world pretends less to indulge its "evils" . . . profiteering, fanaticism.

All the while, the planet itself is becoming more and more unstable, and we're just, like, ignoring it, and spacing out in this post 9.11 embrace of "trust" and love, and it's all bullshit, everything you believe is bullshit, face the present, look at now.

America hates itself post 9.11, that's what I think.

I think the only thing it did was make us self-conscious, and super sensitive, and there are not enough grief workshops or focus groups to help us get our shit back together again . . . OMG, we're Humpty Dumpty.

Oh, yeah, and, too, we've got to get over this bullshit about how the loss of one American soldier in this alleged war against terror is a fuckin' tragedy.

When your children join the Armed Forces, that is the responsibility they take on. In these later years of mine, I almost feel like a traitor for not having done my time. And I "get" that that's easy to say, but I was raised with strange influences. I've learned a lot in the last decade, and I know that I would gladly give my life for what I believe is America.

And a lot of what I believe is rooted in the idea that I am allowed to criticize my leaders. I also happen to believe that if you don't vote, you don't get to complain -- however, George Carlin's counter-point about not complaining about the people we vote for because we put them there in the first place is well-taken.

Eh, I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm pretty high, and I'm pissed off and grumpy. I'm waiting for this "Once Known as Project Bluelight and Totally Unafilliated with the HBO/Miramax Series Screenplay Contest That Had To Change Its Name Because Nobody Has A Fucking Sense Of Humor Anymore Screenplay Contest" to post the results. I haven't "gotten a call" or a bit of e-mail yet, so I don't expect that I've won. I guess it's still early, and they are "film-types," so they tend to lean later in the day. Oh well, mine is but to wait.

It's five o'clock and nothing yet at Proj.Bluelight.

Motherfucker.

$10 down the toilet.

Fuck.

Motherfucker.

Can't they just post it, already? Fuck, me, it must be a dead heat. HA HA AHA AH H AH AH H AH A AH AH AH . Crap. Fuck. Shit.

I wish I could smoke.

I can, but i won't.

FUck.

Pus.

*punches self in arm*

Ow.

you know, I don't think it's too much to ask to post your screenplay contest winner on the day that you say you're going to announce it.

Motherfuckers.

All I ask for is one thing.

Just one of you, some where, for one moment, have your act together.

Fuck.

Bet I don't find out for two weeks.