Ramblings of a Desiccated Mind

She sent me roses today. A dozen, by my count. No, that's not confusing at all.

I went to see my brother's band tonight. It was a "secret" show at the infamous CBGB's. Honestly? They all seemed a little off. One I know was not right because he tried to take that ipecac to induce vomiting. It didn't work while he was on stage, so that sucks. He looked like he was feelin' it, too. I don't know. As if I'm not "moody" enough right now, that whole experience really brought me down.

I am sad.

This seems pointless, too. Everything does. I feel so empty, but there's all this "stuff" goin' on around me. Like . . . I'm supposed to care anyhow, but I just don't, and I look like a brat for trying to fake it. What am I doing for myself, though? Huh? Really. What? Not much. I'm so on the verge of being dedicated, but for no good reason. I don't seem to want the same things people want, or even want for me. My every little bit of energy seems destined to be misspent.

I don't want to "earn" it, I don't want to "deserve" it, I don't want anything. I just want to be left alone. Why is that so damned difficult?

Could I do it? really? Could I just "give up" and go do something meaningless for no good reason and just disappear into my own little reality? Man, fuckin' a that sounds good in my head. Maybe that's my real gift to the world, huh? Maybe it's not about my fucking potential or my desires or my capacity at all, eh? Maybe it's just about how fucking low I can go to keep out of your hair.

Now that sounds interesting to me.

I'm pissed off at CNN for their new pay content bullshit. I boycotted them for a while, but I cannot live without this site I've come to learn. So, I'm reeling in my hypocrisy as I look over the announcement of the PS2 price drop in America. After the XBOX goes down at E3 next week, I'm gettin' one . . . not right away, but soon. Then I'll be a 3 input lad . . . or something like that.

Hey, on top of that . . . WHY'S IT SO FUCKING COLD IN HERE?

Politically Incorrect with Bill maher has been cancelled.

Many moons ago, it was my prediction that IF the show got cancelled, then America would be headed toward some deep shit.

Oh, I do hope, I do hope that someone has it in mind to pick him up.

"idear" is not a word.